Can't Even Boil An Egg

"I can't even boil an egg"
Okay, this sounds like I'm taking the Michael, but the old joke “when I went to school I couldn’t even boil an egg” is actually not as nonsensical as it sounds. So let's start here:
Boiling the egg isn’t hard to work out, boiling water, egg, where’s the mystery?
To start with the question is how you like your egg. Most go for soft boiled, a cooked white (really, you don’t want less than a cooked white) and a runny yoke for the dipping of soldiers (more on them later). My personal preference is fully cooked, but I recognise I’m in the minority there.
As a rough guide I have learned that an egg boiled in the shell for 5 minutes will come out ‘runny’, and an egg boiled for 10 minutes will come out fully cooked. There is a method that involves bringing the water to the boil with the egg in from cold and then once it is bubbling, turning off the heat and letting the egg cook in the residual heat. This produces a nice soft boil, if that’s your thing.
Do not do what I have done a few times and get the water boiling -fear the spitting cauldron of scolding death on your hob- and drop the egg in sheepishly from too high a height, it will slightly crack, you will have wispy bits of white come out, it’s time to put the lot in the bin/sink and start again before your partner or mother comes in and tells you how disappointed your grandma would be with you.
NEVER PUT AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE. IT WILL EXPLODE, YOU WILL SPEND THE NEXT DAY AND A HALF CLEANING THE MICROWAVE. Or you won’t, in which case you are more in need of this blog than you know!

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Some things they don't tell you...

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